


Kenzi's Purely Platonic Cuddle Parlour

by magicsophicorn



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Lost Girl, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-25 09:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2617493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicsophicorn/pseuds/magicsophicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenzi gives free hugs to those who need them most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kenzi's Purely Platonic Cuddle Parlour

Gamora did not dream. In fact, she rarely slept.  
  
It was self-defence, really.   
  
Everyone assumed that she was not capable of feelings. They had to believe that, she supposed, for the thought that someone who was capable of feeling things like guilt, remorse, and compassion, could still be capable of doing the things that she had done… Well, it didn’t bear thinking about.  
  
But they were wrong. She did feel.  
  
So she didn't sleep, and she certainly didn't dream, for they would undoubtedly be unpleasant.  
  
So it was with some surprise that during a rare night of sleep, she opened her eyes and found herself in a rundown wooden house. The place was clearly lived in, it was covered in the same sort of filth that Peter filled the Milano with – empty food packets, crumbs, underwear, and weapons.  
  
Gamora knew she was dreaming. She was aware enough of her own body to know that much. But she was certain that she had never been to this place before. She had never been capable of imagining anything new before, so this was another surprise.  
  
There was a loud clattering to her left as someone descended the stairs. Usually Gamora would be ready to fight whoever it was, but since this was a dream she was not overly concerned.  
  
A small human female came in to view. She had long dark hair and was dressed very differently to all the other humans Gamora had ever encountered. Just like the location, Gamora was certain she had never encountered this woman before.  
  
The woman saw her and started.  
  
“Whoa, well hi there, space-age-Elphaba. What’s your name?” she asked.  
  
“How is it that you do not know my name if I have dreamed you?” Gamora asked in return.  
  
The woman blinked.  
  
“That’s impressive, how did you know you were dreaming? No one else has.”  
  
“I know what being awake feels like, and this is not it, therefore I must be asleep.”  
  
“Can’t argue with that logic, I suppose.”  
  
“You mentioned there were others? If I’m asleep but I did not dream you, then how am I here? What is happening?”  
  
“All valid and sensible questions, for a change. Believe it or not, you are dreaming and your soul has traveled to me because you are sad and lonely. So in order for you to wake up and go back to your life we just need to have a quick cuddle.”  
  
The woman stretched out her arms and started towards Gamora, who took a step back.  
  
“Stop! I will not succumb to your Sapphic sorcery!”  
  
“Whoa there feisty-pants, there’s only one resident of the island of Lesbos in this house and that’s Bo-Bo. Me? I drive stick. The twig of Zamorra, in fact.”  
  
The woman smirked.  
  
“Wait, no, that was too crude, even for me, forget I said that and never ever tell Hale.”  
  
Gamora nodded, not having really understood most of what she had said, so perfectly happy to ignore it.  
  
The woman sighed. “As I was saying, if we hug, nothing dodgy, just a hug, then you’ll wake up and be on your way. Although now that I think about it, I should probably make sure you understand that unless you find someone to hug in real life you’re going to end up back here every time you fall asleep.”  
  
“I don’t sleep often, don’t worry.”  
  
“Well, okay, weird, but, doesn't it bother you that you’re, well, you know, lonely and… sad?”  
  
Gamora sighed.  
  
“Well, yes, it does. But I have lived a solitary life, and done terrible things, companionship of any kind has not been possible. Until now.”  
  
The woman had been looking like a sad little puppy until Gamora’s last statement.  
  
“Until now? Well that sounds hopeful.”  
  
“Yes. I now have… friends.”  
  
The word felt strange in Gamora’s mouth.  
  
“Well then what the heck are you doing here? Go hug them, not me!”  
  
Gamora laughed truly and deeply.  
  
“We may be friends but we will never hug.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“Because Peter would use the opportunity to grope me, Drax would accidentally crush my rib cage, if I were to hug Rocket I would get fleas, or shot at, and Groot is currently too small to hug.”  
  
The woman stared at Gamora intently.  
  
“Man and I thought my friends were weird. Okay, so no hugging in real life. Well, I suppose since you don’t sleep often it wouldn't be a  _total_  inconvenience if you still came here for a hug every time you fall asleep. I’m glad you’re not alone in your life anymore, even if you can’t hug them. So what do you say, hug time now?”  
  
Gamora smiled.  
  
“Very well. What is your name, by the way?”  
  
“Kenzi. You?”  
  
“Gamora.”  
  
“Okay then green girl Gamora, let’s do this.”  
  
Kenzi once again extended her arms and walked towards Gamora, who did not retreat this time but instead walked towards Kenzi to meet her in a warm embrace.  
  
This was the first time Gamora had ever truly hugged anyone. She had to admit it felt nice. There was a sense of comfort and safety to be so close to someone and to know and trust that they would not use the opportunity to kill you.  
  
Perhaps it would be worth risking the occasional grope to hug Peter in this way, Gamora thought, as she opened her eyes back on the Milano.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
“Welcome to Kenzi’s Purely Platonic Cuddle Parlour”  
  
Regina’s eyes flew open and she stood up quickly. She was definitely not where she had fallen asleep. Someone must have cast a spell on her. Probably the woman who had spoken, she was certainly dressed like a witch.  
  
“Did you cast a spell on me to bring me here? Who are you? Where am I?” Regina demanded of the slim dark haired woman standing in front of her, who was grinning inanely.  
  
“Chill out lady. You’re just dreaming, so I have no idea where you are, you’re still wherever it was you fell asleep. And to answer your far more important question, my name is Kenzi, and I will be your hugger this dreaming.”  
  
Regina blinked.  
  
“What on earth are you talking about?”  
  
Kenzi sighed.  
  
“I should really make a sign with all this on it, it’s getting boring having to repeat it. So, long story short, I got hit with some Fae ju-ju, surprise surprise, and now I’m basically like the patron saint of anyone-not-quite-normal-who-really-just-needs-to-hug-it-out. Whenever a sad and lonely little freak such as yourself falls asleep they wind up here and they don’t go away until I give them a good ol’ squeeze. Er, in a purely platonic way, of course.”  
  
“Excuse me! I am not a freak!” Regina bristled.  
  
“Oh yeah?” Kenzi raised a disbelieving eyebrow, “then how come the first thing you asked me was if I’d cast a spell on you? And also why are you dressed like the boobyful Queen of Sheba?”  
  
Regina looked down at herself to find she was wearing one of her old Evil Queen dresses which had her assets on prominent display. She sighed.  
  
“Speaking of which, I hope Bo doesn't come home and see you. There’s no way she won’t succubus the shit out of you, and I do not want to have to hug you after you two have done the do. Eww. Hey, that rhymed.”  
  
Regina gave Kenzi the mother of all eye-rolls.  
  
“Yes well, if I didn't have manners I would ask why you’re dressed like the illegitimate love child of Ozzy Osbourne and a Japanese cartoon character.”  
  
“Ouch, lady, this is Grade A Kenzi couture. What’s your name anyway?”  
  
“Regina.”  
  
“Well for that last comment of yours I’m going to go ahead and call you Sassgina.”  
  
Regina had to resist the urge to throw a fireball at Kenzi.  
  
“Well if all I have to do to get out of here is to hug you, then can we please get it over with?” Regina huffed impatiently.  
  
“Oh no I don’t think so.”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“Sit your ass down lady, I have a duty of care to my patients you know. That and I don’t really fancy having repeat customers. So before we get to the hugging we’re going to do some good old fashioned soul searching. So, tell me, why aren't you getting enough hugs while you’re awake?”  
  
Regina considered just throwing her arms round this annoying woman and hugging her to try and wake up, but she wasn't sure if that would work if Kenzi didn't hug her back, and she would feel incredibly foolish if it didn't, so she decided to cooperate.  
  
“It’s complicated. It’s… Because of who I am. People… People just don’t hug the Evil Queen.”  
  
Regina looked down at her hands.  
  
“Sweetie, there’s only one evil queen, and his name is Vex. Also, seriously? Your name is Regina, and you’re a queen? Your name is literally Queen Queen?”  
  
“My mother was a little obsessed with power. And besides, you're one to talk, what kind of a name is Kenzi? That sounds like the kind of name you give your dog. Here Kenzi! Good girl!”  
  
“Sheesh. I’m starting to understand why you’re not getting enough hugs. But, okay, complicated past, I get that, second one tonight, actually. But do you really not have anyone who cares about you now?”  
  
“Well yes, actually, I suppose, there’s Robin, he’s my… my…” Regina found she could no longer bring herself to say the word ‘soul-mate’, not after everything that had happened with Marian.  
  
“But he chose his wife over me, so hugs are out of the question with him now. Then there’s Henry, my son, I know he loves me but, well, he has his other mother, Emma.”  
  
Kenzi looked confused.  
  
“Wait, so if your son has two moms, why aren't you lady-hugging-with-your-legs his other mother?”  
  
“What, Emma? Because she…” Regina’s first thought had been  _because she hates me_ , but, well, after passionate declarations about fighting to find Regina her happy ending, and trying so hard to be her friend, and those great big puppy dog eyes when Regina had told her she didn't want to kill her, Regina was finding she could no longer convince herself that Emma didn't actually care about her.  
  
“Oooooooh...” Kenzi’s voice interrupted Regina’s thoughts, “are you two divorced now? Sorry, I didn't realise.”  
  
“What? No, Emma and I were never… We’re not… She doesn't… I don't…” Regina was never usually this incoherent, but she was having trouble holding on to a single thought. The idea of her and Emma like that had never even crossed her mind, but now that it had it kept crashing around her brain, just like the clumsy woman herself.   
  
 _Emma cares for you._  
  
Regina suddenly, desperately, wanted to hug Emma.  
  
“Denial is not just a river in Africa honey!” Kenzi laughed.  
  
“Enough!” Regina said, both to Kenzi and the spiraling thoughts in her brain, “it doesn't matter because Emma doesn't hug me.”  
  
“Well hey, here’s a revolutionary concept for you, how’s about you go and hug her? Crazy, right?”  
  
 _“You thought we were friends?”_  
 _“Crazy, right?”_  
  
Regina shook her head. She needed to get out of here.  
  
“Okay, okay, you've made your point. I need more human contact. When I wake up I will make more effort to hug Henry. Now will you please hug me so I can get out of here?”  
  
Kenzi was still chuckling.  
  
“Okay, alright, but on one condition, you get your act together with this Emma woman. Do we have a deal?”  
  
“Deal” Regina ground out through gritted teeth.  
  
“Okay then, prepare yourself for the best, most comforting hug of your life, Sassgina!”  
  
Kenzi threw her arms round Regina just the way Henry used to do when he was younger and despite herself Regina found she instantly relaxed into the embrace, closing her eyes and burying her face in Kenzi’s shoulder as feelings of warmth and comfort spread through her soul.  
  
She wasn't sure how long they stayed like that before Regina eventually opened her eyes and realised she was lying in bed hugging her pillow like her life depended on it.


End file.
